If you’re like most Americans, record-high gas prices are probably putting a bit of a damper on your summer plans. But there are cheaper alternatives than suffering these petroleum pains – some just require a little more creativity than others.
Use a rickshaw
Rickshaws are environmentally friendly and much safer than a car – when was the last time you saw a rickshaw pileup? Transportation powered by human strength also solves two problems: rising gas costs and the escalating unemployment rate. Everybody wins!
Buy a DeLorean
At the end of Back to the Future, Doc Brown reveals his new DeLorean uses old beer, banana peels and garbage for fuel, and for most college students, garbage and old beer are much easier to come by than gas money. Plus, each tank creates 1.21 jigowatts of energy. Take that, OPEC!
Get a Segway
If you want to avoid traditional automobiles altogether, a battery-operated Segway may be a logical, albeit nerdy-looking, choice. This two-wheeled vehicle is not only the preferred mode of getting around the campus for University Police, but it’s also good enough for Gob Bluth of Arrested Development. Come on!
Start hitchhiking
Opponents may point to the fact that hitchhiking is dangerous or “not legal,” but what do they know? In addition to being completely free – unless you subscribe to the old “gas, grass or ass” mentality – hitchhiking is a great way to meet interesting new people … who may or may not kill you and harvest your organs to sell on the black market.
Stop going places
Perhaps the easiest (read: laziest) solution is to just stop leaving your residence entirely. Between Campusfood.com and classes on Blackboard, it’s like the universe is trying to tell us something. Maybe that something is “Be a shut-in.” A little agoraphobia never hurt, right?
Steal gas from neighbors
You know which neighbors we’re talking about. The ones with a couple of SUVs in the driveway and an H3 in the garage. The ones who “gas up” four to five times a day. The ones who run sprinklers on their lawns with gasoline instead of water. Yeah, those neighbors.
