College students are poor – this is obvious to the average Terp strutting around the campus. Whenever a little money does happen to come our way, whether from dancing for dollars at the strip club or completing surveys on our daily alcohol and drug consumption, we frivolously spend the extra pocket cash.

Our university follows the same model (sweet, special edition Diner cups, anyone?).

Then, when funding is needed for crucial projects, those in charge of Testudo’s checkbook turn to one another and utter Gary Coleman’s famous retort, “What you talking ’bout [Mote]?”

On a frequent basis, The Diamondback reports on the financial woes of the university. Whether it’s about on-campus construction (“Material costs threaten new construction,” Feb. 17), accounting “discrepancies” (“State audit finds univ. financial problems,” Feb. 17) or decrepit academics (“Physics building drives out talent,” Feb. 21), the issue will remain quite prevalent in a future promising little change.

What are our local leaders doing for the school’s depressed and empty wallet?

Well, local representative Sen. John Giannetti (D-Anne Arundel and Prince George’s) is hard at work on Medicare legislation, which is A-OK for the elderly, but doesn’t do too much for me, you or the majority of the fine residents of College Park. Don’t get me wrong. I love College Park as much as the next guy, and I guess it’s possible I will spend all the days of my life here, basking in all of its awesomeness until one day I reap the benefits of his Medicare legislation … or not.

Giannetti thought this Medicare legislation was so imperative to the student body of the university that he purposefully sent out an e-mail announcement about it. What was the purpose? I don’t really know. But if he is going to lobby for some money to be directed our way, by all means, send out another mass e-mail because I’d sure be interested.

Maryland Gov. Robert Ehrlich appears to have the university’s best financial interests at heart. So much so, university President Dan Mote has recently traveled to Annapolis to speak on Ehrlich’s behalf. The governor has proposed a budget of $364 million to be allocated to the university (upping the ante from last year’s budget). But there are still many issues that have arisen, even if the governor has made a friendly wager on this game. On the same token, Ehrlich vastly limited the school’s capital budget (for construction and maintenance) to a measly $4 million, a mere pittance considering the amount of renovation this campus desperately needs.

Why do I fault the governor and Giannetti? Answer the multiple-choice question below (pretend it’s for extra credit, a little Levitt loving):

A) Tuition is still going to increase next fall.

B) I can’t claim Medicare benefits for years to come.

C) Van Munching will always be the nicest building on the campus.

D) All of the above

The answer is clearly D). Tuition is going to increase this coming fall no matter how much we fuss about it. Medicare is good for grannies, but how many live in College Park? And Van Munching, because of a vast amount of private funding, will always be the most modern, slickest and coolest building around.

Unless we get more loving from some wealthy alumni or philanthropists, the school is going to have to make do with the money its got. Maybe Testudo could stand along Route 1 with a cardboard sign begging for your change. Or, we could take WMUC’s Rohan Mahadevan’s suggestion and “write to Oprah and get her to help us out. [We] could make some real tears for Oprah.”

David Levitt is a sophomore physiology and neurobiology major. He can be reached at dlevitt@umd.edu.