We may be too old to go trick-or-treating, but we’re never too old to wear a humorous or creative costume. Here are some ideas for you sports freaks out there who still haven’t decided on a look for Halloween tonight.
Michael Vick: He will probably be a popular choice this year. Put on an orange prison suit and carry around a mutilated stuffed dog for good measure. And if there comes a time in the night where you have to throw something, make sure you don’t throw it too accurately.
Bill Belichick: This one’s easy. All you need is a tattered hoodie, and you can bring a video camera if you’re the mocking type. Oh, and if you have rings, wear them too. He has lots of those.
Alex Rodriguez: After opting out of his mega-deal with the Yankees, A-Rod will be the most talked-about athlete in America until he signs with someone. Dress up like him during the day, and when it really matters at night, don’t show up. That would be very much in character with his baseball performance. Oh, and unlike the last costume, make sure that you aren’t inadvertently wearing any rings.
(Speaking of rings, here’s a shameless plug to the 2007 World Series Champion Boston Red Sox. Only a couple more months until the next championship in New England. My obnoxious bias will stop here.)
Gilbert Arenas: The Wizards’ first game is tonight, and Agent Zero is certainly the most popular basketball player in the area. He’s also the most popular prognosticator – he’s already guaranteed a victory in the Wizards’ second game of the season. Wear your Arenas jersey and carry around a crystal ball to make this costume complete.
Greg Oden: Sticking with the NBA, when I was young I once dressed up as an old man with a cane. At that time, the Trail Blazers’ center Greg Oden was probably only about 40 years old. Substitute that cane for crutches (he’s out of service for his would-be rookie season after knee surgery) and you can be the deceptively young Oden.
Bambale Osby: Enough people dress up like him at Terp games, why not continue for the holiday? Buy a fake ‘fro and work out 10 hours a day for the next 365 days, and then your costume should be ready for Halloween next year.
Anna Kournikova: I had to throw in an outfit for the ladies. You know, all those “Golf Pros, Tennis Hoes” parties – well, just pretend tonight is one of those, and you should have a perfect Kournikova ensemble. You probably have comparable tennis skills anyway.
Token Philadelphia Flyer: No matter what you’re wearing, just go around the campus doling out dirty hits to innocent bystanders. For the third time since the start of the preseason, a Flyer has seriously injured a competitor with a questionable bodycheck. The most recent offender was defenseman Randy Jones last Saturday.
Token Terrapin Football player: Find any casts, crutches, bandages, ice packs or stretchers you may have and go nuts. It seems like half the team is injured right now. With a few more setbacks, they might not even be able to put 11 guys on the field at once, and you may actually become a Terp football player.
Rick “Wild Thing” Vaughn: With an Indians hat and dark-rimmed glasses, there’s no going wrong with this imitation of my favorite character from my favorite movie. Unfortunately, no one could identify my replication of Charlie Sheen at a party I attended last weekend, even as I played the song “Wild Thing” on a portable recorder. I know Major Leaague came out in 1989, but it’s such a classic, it should be a pre-requisite for life. Hopefully after reading this you’ve got some good ideas. And when I see you in your creative sports costume, say hi to me. I’ll be the idiot in the baseball uniform and black bifocals, with everything but the 102 mph heater to match my fictional idol.mseligdbk@gmail.com
