Junior English major
John goes to the gym every day. He never cries or shows vulnerability. He is not gay. He can drink any one of you under the table. He can take any one of you in a fight — including his best friend (who is, of course, a man, because men and women can’t just be friends), his wife, that girl giving him lip in the bar or that slut who said no to him. He has no problem taking what he wants, when he wants it. John is a “manly man,” the poster child for exactly what needs to be changed in society.
And the sad thing is, John can be found within so many different men.
Machismo, apathy, homophobia, anger, addiction, violence — these are the traits of “masculinity” that are perpetuating a world of gender discrimination, domestic violence and sexual harassment. The idea of masculinity prevents any true sense of equality in this world and maintains the very attributes that permit societal pardons for men who do bad things, such as beating, raping or generally humiliating women.
A boy growing up with the notion it is OK to embody all the traits of a manly man — or that it’s not OK to have feminine traits — may very well turn into a man who turns to drinking or violence to solve problems because that is what is acceptable, or a man who thinks it’s OK to treat women differently simply because they are women.
Renowned author and clinical psychologist Mary Pipher had it right when she said, “Young men need to be socialized in such a way that rape is as unthinkable to them as cannibalism.” The same thing goes for feelings about violence, hate, forced apathy and the plethora of other behaviors boys around the world are being taught are right because they are masculine. In this modern world, boys need to be conditioned to the conviction that men and women are equal. Boys need to grow into men who respect women, not degrade them.
Now, masculinity is by no means a concrete concept. There are many different interpretations, many of which try to spin the quality’s deplorable nature into something necessary for a man to feel like a man. Of course, it’s acceptable for a man to be independent, strong in his convictions, assertive and self-confident; but the fact that these can be attributed solely to masculinity in any way is preposterous. Men and women have the right to embody these characteristics, as well as the right to be the complete opposite. Gender has nothing to do with it; you can’t hide the innately horrible factors of masculinity behind the veil that makes the concept sound justified.
Problems with masculinity have always existed, but it has taken until now for revolutionary women (and men) to garner enough support for the claim against preserving masculinity. It’s these people who are going to ensure the culture of acceptance overcomes the deplorable traits attributed to the vague concept of masculinity.
But it has been slow going; in America, we live in a fairly progressive environment. And even so, we still have a vast distance to travel before we can begin to consider the idea of equality. But if you step outside the boundaries of this nation, the situation can be even worse.
Merely imagining how awful it must be for women in other countries, where they have no voice, no strength and no way out of their situation, strengthens myself and many others alike to change our culture — to be an example for others to follow. It’s the only way we can begin to actively create change.
I refuse to believe anyone can innately personify all the traits of masculinity. It’s a learned behavior, and if we want any chance of preventing rape and domestic violence, as well as establishing equality, we must work to end gender stereotypes. Getting rid of the idea that men must be masculine is the first step to a better, more inclusive world.
Maria Romas is a junior English major. She can be reached at mromas3@gmail.com.
