Q: I’ve been dating my girlfriend for several weeks, and her birthday is coming up. I want to do something nice, and I don’t want to disappoint her, but I don’t want to give her the wrong idea and seem obsessed. What is the appropriate gift?
A: Although what I’m about to say may seem terrible and materialistic and whatnot, it’s true – girls associate the level of the relationship with the level of the gift. That is to say, your question is valid, and if you buy her an iPhone, let’s just say you best have enough cash to follow that up with a diamond ring.
Guys our age love to pretend any relationship they engage in can’t possibly lead to anything serious, but the reality is, if you’re 21 years old and you are dating a girl you really like, it’s important that your intentions are more than clear lest people get hurt. So instead of bestowing lavish gifts upon a girl you are in all likelihood just getting to know, give her something that is obviously thoughtful but not a keepsake she’ll be hiding from her children when she’s semi-happily married to someone else.
To be honest, at this stage in the relationship, the less money you spend, the better, but the more thought and effort you put into the gift, the best. Several weeks into dating someone is not the time to be investing in a potential junk bond (I got that savvy financial term from friends in the business school); it puts you in too vulnerable a position. Anyway, it’ll probably just weird her out.
The two things you should keep in mind when hunting for a gift are 1) funny and 2) free. I’ll let it slide if you spend a little money buying her a box of Raisinettes if you both met in the candy aisle of CVS and fell in love over a giggle-packed debate as to what is the best boxed candy (Milkduds, by the way). But let’s not have any withdrawals from the Bar Mitzvah fund.
And let’s face it: So much of a cute, new relationship is based on stupid inside jokes that are vomit-inducing for other people. Girls appreciate gifts that induce symptoms I will liken to those of food poisoning. “Look, honey! I made you this ragdoll bunny because I’m always calling you a snuggle-bunny.” While this is obviously a gross (literally disgusting) exaggeration, the sentiment is getting there.
In this situation, it really is the thought that counts – and you better believe she’s counting. Obviously, I haven’t been there for the charming gestation period of this adorable newborn relationship, so I can’t suggest individually tailored gifts. Pay attention to things she has talked about needing, or something you tease her for not having, or somewhere she’s been dying to go. With some careful thought, this gift could really be as easy as shaving the soul patch she’s been complaining about or downloading the High School Musical 3: Senior Year soundtrack and burning it to a CD.
I know these guidelines for gift-giving require a significant amount of thought and cuteness, so don’t underestimate the ol’ dinner-and-a-movie date. You’d be surprised how starved most girls are for a conventional dinner date (conventional meaning you pay). After years of watching Sex and the City reruns, girls have come to equate a mildly classy dinner with a chivalrous rescue from a dragon’s den. Don’t dismiss these cliché expressions of affection. I assure you the last time she got flowers was at her high school graduation, and the last man to give her a funny birthday card was her grandfather.
Again, I admit this advice still leaves you with lots to do and think about. But what more can you expect from a girl whose primary credentials include listening to The Loveline religiously and gossiping in the back of synagogue … irreligiously?
Esti Frischling is a sophomore studio art major, so she literally has nothing better to do than answer your questions. She can be reached at estidbk@gmail.com.
