“It’s tempting to write off the popularity of these games as some sort of ironic cultural movement … but the best of these games have genuine appeal. The most successful titles of the (serious) bunch are similar to Jenova Chen’s Flower or Journey — surprisingly Zen experiences forged out of rather mundane actions” — Warren Zhang

Goat Simulator is not an elaborate April Fools’ Day joke, despite its fortuitous release date. As with Surgeon Simulator and the recently Kickstarter-funded Bear Simulator, it is instead a cheeky addition to the bafflingly large simulator genre, though lumping together Goat Simulator and Street Cleaning Simulator may be a bit of a stretch.

More surprising than the existence of Goat Simulator and Bear Simulator is just how expansive and popular simulator games have become. On the surface, it’s hard to figure out why Euro Truck Simulator is so trendy on the Internet.

It’s tempting to write off the popularity of these games as some sort of ironic cultural movement (thank YouTube’s “TRAIN SIMULATOR BITCH” for that), but the best of these games have genuine appeal. The most successful titles of the (serious) bunch are similar to Jenova Chen’s Flower or Journey — surprisingly Zen experiences forged out of rather mundane actions.

But like in any genre, with the sublime comes the asinine. Here are some of the worst simulator games out on the market. No, Goat Simulator doesn’t count.

Woodcutter Simulator 2013

Expecting cheap games made by tiny development teams to be as polished as the top-rated AAA big boys is unrealistic. Usually, there’s a fair bit of leeway given to these indie games because the developers have limited resources.

Enter Woodcutter Simulator 2013, a first-person lumberjack-‘em-up available on Steam. This is a game that’s not so much broken as it is nonexistent. To be fair, most simulator games revolve around fairly dull mechanics, but even among this crowd, Woodcutter Simulator is the most boring bore in all of boredom.

Gameplay jumps from scintillating first-person tactical chainsaw action to drives in the forest in cheapo cars. Maybe someone, somewhere gets pseudo-sexual gratification from watching trees fall unrealistically to the ground. I, unfortunately, do not.

Euro Bus Simulator 2012

The makers of Euro Bus Simulator 2012 probably didn’t intend to cause nightmares, but that’s about the only thing the game’s good for aside from carpal tunnel. In the grand tradition of simulator games, Euro Bus Simulator 2012 features very finicky and obtuse controls.

Realistic? Sure. Fun? Not when you have to carefully pull up to bus stops and not run over passengers. Perhaps a lifetime of playing Grand Theft Auto has ruined my ability to pull up to the curb peacefully. Perhaps Euro Bus Simulator 2012 just sucks.

The existential nightmares come into play when you pick up passengers. You finally manage to park right next to the bus stop, and you open your door to find a hideous paper doll expecting change for his ticket staring at you with cold, pixelated eyes. This must be what hell looks like.

Tow Truck Simulator 2010

How could it be fun to tow illegally parked cars if there’s no one around to watch you? Of all these games, Tow Truck Simulator 2010 feels the least complete, as if it was slapped together at the last minute by university students working on a final project.

The city feels empty without any humans walking around. Maybe Tow Truck Simulator 2010 is supposed to take place in some post-apocalyptic world where cars have become sentient and have eradicated all humans.

Then you get to the lousy car and have to fight the controls to get that thing onto the back of your truck. Turns out the sparse world wasn’t the only thing needing polish. Anyone who lasts more than a couple of minutes in Tow Truck Simulator 2010 deserves some kind of medal