What are college relationships? I don’t mean that rhetorically. Really, someone please give me a proper definition attached to a list of the approved rules and regulations regarding college courtships. I’m graduating in May, and I would like to know before I leave.
You might be thinking: “Shruti, I don’t get it. How are college relationships different from high school relationships or dating while not in school?”
Well, dear reader, the main difference is that college has introduced us to “the bone zone.” You’ve heard of getting friend-zoned. Well, the bone zone is the polar opposite. It’s getting stuck in the completely physical aspect of a relationship. A lot of people face the consequence of not being able to transition into an actual relationship even though both partners might want to.
Let’s face it. Going out with someone in college doesn’t mean going on a date to the movies and then getting dinner. It means ambiguous hang-out sessions or non-dates, “watching a movie” in someone’s room or running into someone at the bars and leaving together. College students are short on cash and time, so people just don’t date to date. If they do, the classiest they can hope for is Applebee’s, Noodles & Company or Jason’s Deli.
Some people argue that the bone zone is just easier to get to. I disagree. It just appears to be more attainable. I suspect it’s because there are so many sources, including movies, that depict college students as being predominantly into easy hookups. Students are given the impression that college is just for playing the field.
When you start a relationship as a hookup, it sometimes means there was alcohol involved and there’s probably not a strong emotional connection. Some people find it difficult to approach others and use a buzz as a catalyst to put themselves out there when they typically wouldn’t or to make a decision that they might regret later.
But if anyone starts hooking up pretty regularly with the same person, they’ll enter the bone zone. And people can’t stay in that with one person for very long. The relationship has to evolve. Sometimes it becomes something more: I have plenty of friends who are in long-term committed relationships that started out in the zone. But sometimes it fizzles into that lame place where eye contact is avoided at all costs — that just sucks.
If you really do like someone and reasonably know that they somewhat like you as a person, ask them out. Unknown fact: If someone were to ask another person out on an honest-to-goodness date, the askee almost always says yes, even if he or she isn’t romantically interested in the asker. Why? People typically respect courage.
It is really hard to put yourself out there. I was asking friends for advice on dating. One person said to ask a guy out in this column (no thanks), another said to ask him out point-blank (too scary) and the rest suggested that I ask him to hang out. But I hang out with a lot of people, so does that mean we’re all dating? I’m not sure when hanging out became the official preliminary to dating.
OK, I know that some people aren’t upset about the bone zone and prefer to exist in it, but as for the rest of you, I wish you luck in defeating it.
Shruti Rastogi is a senior journalism major. She can be reached at rastogi at umdbk dot com.
