“Every relationship ends, either by a breakup or death, but that doesn’t make them valueless. It’s the memories that make them worthwhile.” —Jonathan Raeder
We live for memories.
The value of an event or a person — his, her, its impact on us — is in our memories. How can you enjoy an event you can’t remember? How can you learn from a person you can’t remember? It’s the memories of life, both good and bad, that form our identities, that leave us slamming the steering wheel in tears or laughing alone at some amazing moment long gone. What good could come from erasing any memories, even if they are painful, even if they make it seem like there will never be another good memory again?
Ten years ago, director Michel Gondry and screenwriter Charlie Kaufman teamed up to answer those questions in a fantastic movie that stands as one of my favorite films of all time: Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind.
After breaking up with her boyfriend, Joel (Jim Carrey), Clementine (Kate Winslet) undergoes a strange medical procedure that erases all her memories of their time together. Soon afterward, Joel sees her again and, in response to her unknowing stare, eventually finds out what’s happened and decides to follow suit. The film eschews most forms of chronology, jumping among Joel’s memories as they’re being erased by a trio of employees, played by Mark Ruffalo, Elijah Wood and Kirsten Dunst. Eventually he realizes his time with Clementine, while ultimately ending badly, changed his life, and so he attempts to hold on to her as she fades away, memory by memory.
Kaufman is one of the few screenwriters in Hollywood whose films are referred to among movie wonks with his name attached. There are Charlie Kaufman films in the same way there are Quentin Tarantino films or David Lynch films. Between Eternal Sunshine, Adaptation, Being John Malkovich and Synecdoche, New York, Kaufman has created some of the strangest and most human films I’ve ever had the pleasure to see. I never know what direction they’ll take or what bizarre premise I’ll be thrust into, but I know both my mind and my emotions will be a wreck by the end — and that’s a good thing. Kaufman had already left his mark on the film world when Eternal Sunshine was released, but for me, at least, it was only the beginning. This film was my rabbit hole into the world of strange storytelling; I learned that stories could be cerebral and bizarre without losing their emotional core.
There are so many scenes and images from this film that remain burned into my memory — Joel and Clementine lying on a frozen lake, staring up at the sky, the two lying on a bed in the middle of a snowy beach, the two running through rooms filled with faceless people as the door frames, windows and buildings themselves crumble and dissolve. This film is both a dream and a nightmare, in the same way our memories are both beautiful and painful.
Eternal Sunshine examines its main relationship honestly, showing us the ugly fights, the ways that Joel and Clementine use their intimate knowledge of the other to hurt each other and the fact that these two people might not be right for each other in any realistic way. Yet we see the two hold each other close as if that might heal them; we see them really become better people for having known each other, even if the end is rough and drives them to erase the whole experience. These are fleshed-out people, despite our tendency to view them as the stereotypical sad, quiet writer-type guy and impulsive, quirky artistic girl. Neither is perfect by any means, but their relationship is an example of all of our relationships at their best and worst.
The crux of the film comes at the end, as Joel and Clementine, both aware of their past relationship and the problems that caused its downfall, decide to give it another try. Clementine argues that Joel will grow to hate her and she’ll grow to find him boring because that’s what they do and that’s what they’ve already done. It’s Joel’s response that seals it. “OK.”
OK.
So what if relationships fail? So what if people keep falling for the same types of people? So what if there are people who might never end up with their ideal matches? Every relationship ends, either by a breakup or death, but that doesn’t make them valueless. It’s the memories that make them worthwhile. It’s the lessons about what to do in the future or what to avoid doing. It’s the memories of lying down, staring at someone so close to you and knowing, for at least that one moment, that something in life makes sense. Erasing the darkness isn’t the answer.
Eternal Sunshine encompasses all of the risky and painful elements that make up any attempt at a romantic relationship. It’s about love, loss, memory, identity, human nature — all of the big issues that make us human: gloriously, imperfectly, terribly human. Its impact has stayed with me and many others for years. Joel and Clementine will continue to fall in love, to break up, to erase each other and to get back together again, perhaps forever. That’s what they do, and that’s what they’ve always done.
OK.
