Nick and Jess are obnoxious once again.
What producers called the kiss heard ‘round the world was supposed to be resolved with this episode of New Girl. Or so we all thought.
Instead, in true New Girl fashion, the episode centers on something silly – a parking spot.
“Parking Spot” begins when Schmidt finds an open spot in the garage beneath the apartment. Each of the roommates believes they are most deserving — their current spots are each terrible in their own way. Jess deals with a hobo on a daily basis while Nick covers his car in cardboard to hide it from the elements.
While the battle for the spot is going on, Nick and Jess try to figure out what their kiss meant. The two fumble for how they feel for much of the episode, much to our dismay.
This tension between the two is getting old. It took a season and a half to get to a kiss, and it’s starting to feel like it will take at least this much time to get to a solution following the kiss.
Their struggle to figure out what the kiss meant is amplified by the battle for the spot. Winston drops out early — Daisy calls for sex, and he can’t say no. And Nick decides he is too lazy to care.
Jess and Schmidt, deadlocked, force Nick to be the swing vote. Jess attempts to bribe Nick with her body and Schmidt with best friendship. And so, we are left with a classic dilemma — should Nick choose the girl he likes or his best friend?
Nick chooses Jess easily. Until, of course, Schmidt puts up a fight. He knows something is going on and confronts Nick about it. The best friend card is pulled, and the “no nail” clause of the roommate contract is brought up. Apparently, the guys agreed not to have sex with Jess, no matter what.
Nick cannot take the tension caused by this confrontation — he doesn’t deal with conflict, even when his love life is on the line. Jess is upset with the existence of the “no nail” agreement while Schmidt is upset that Nick basically violated it.
It’s frustrating to watch — the tension between Jess and Nick continues to build as the episode goes on, but neither really wants to tackle the larger issue at hand.
And so, much to our frustration, Nick chooses to give up the swing vote. Back in the battle, Nick runs for his car to park in the spot with Jess and Schmidt hot on his heels. The three end up at the spot at the same time, though, so it becomes a waiting game.
Spending so much time together leads to a little madness. Schmidt pees himself while he waits, and Nick resorts to licking chocolate off some trash out of hunger.
Yet the worst encounter in the parking spot is the one between Jess and Nick. Eventually, worn down by both proximity and stress, the two try to talk out their issues.
All is well until, in a heart-wrenching moment, Nick says he wishes he never kissed Jess in the first place, and that it was the biggest mistake he ever made. And with that, Jess is out of the competition. She runs from the spot, Nick following close behind.
Schmidt is victorious. He has won the spot, but the victory seems small in comparison to the turmoil between Jess and Nick.
Back at the apartment, Nick tries to console Jess. In a poignant moment, he says that he does not regret kissing her, but rather he regrets what it did. The two decide they need to figure out how to live together as Schmidt returns to the apartment, ready to stir up more trouble.
He reminds Nick of the “no nail” contract, and the fact that it says if one roommate fornicates with Jess, they all have to. Schmidt, ever sleazy, thinks that kissing Jess will make everything go back to normal, and so he does. The result? Things are more awkward then ever.
During all of this, Winston’s attempt to have sex goes awry when he forgets to bring a condom. It still feels a little odd that an ex-Disney channel star (Brenda Song) is seducing Winston. But Winston apparently likes her enough to run around town hunting for a condom in a pair of sweatpants that read “Yum” across the butt.
Alas, Winston’s hunt, which even included a stop at Cece’s apartment, yields nothing. He feels defeated when he returns to his apartment until the roommates offer up the parking spot. Winston needs a win, and it’s exactly what he gets.
The episode ends up disappointing the viewers. Much like Winston’s wait for sex, our wait for the tension between Jess and Nick to end is fruitless. It’s becoming arduous to watch as the two fumble for feelings episode after episode.
At least Schmidt still has some funny lines to keep watching worth it.
Tidbits:
-A baseball cap can be a condom in Winston’s world.
-Purple nurples are always better than hugs
-Cats on your car? Take a picture to capture the moment.
-“Did you just pee inside your body?”
-“I’m about to go park my car on her parking spot.”
