Now that the fall semester is well underway, I thought it would be only appropriate to welcome the freshmen with a column completely devoted to them. Native Terps, as in sophomores and above, please don’t stop here. The following will give you a flashback of what life was like one to six years ago when you were just a little campus newbie.

First off, welcome class of 2010! Get ready for the best four years of your life. Hey, if you’re really lucky (or maybe if you drop a few classes or change your major three times) you could make it the best FIVE years of your life. Holla super seniors! Anyway, because I’m a nice person, I’ve decided to give you a list of dos and don’ts for making it through your first year at Maryland.

DON’T be THAT guy. Thinking of all the ridiculous experiences I’ve had since being a freshman, half of them involve some crazy drunk or just plain awkward person. Freshmen, common sense is not a hard concept to grasp. If you’re drunk and on the verge of vomiting, DON’T GET ON THE SHUTTLE! Please save 30 people the trouble of having to walk home from Bentley’s to North Campus because you gave the “Puke Bus” its name. Also, control yourself when you’re intoxicated. You don’t want to see your RA cry because you destroyed his/her bulletin board they put blood, sweat and tears into. Trust me; it’s just not worth it. Not to mention, you’ll be on his/her bad side for the rest of the semester. And you thought cops showing up and busting a house party was bad; wait until they show up at your dorm door.

DON’T wear a sexy get-up to class. You will be nothing more than the subject of laughter. I saw a girl walking to class once wearing gold stilettos and a miniskirt. Who are you?! Unless you have bodyguards and a platinum-selling album, you should not be wearing a fashion statement like that in broad daylight. Don’t believe me? There’s a Facebook group devoted to stupid people like you – “Are You a Model? No Wait, You’re an Idiot Who Got Dressed Up To Go To Lecture (Maryland Chapter).” This is not high school where you can walk two feet and be in your next class. Not only do you have to walk large distances, you have to see hundreds of people while doing it, too. Do your feet (and your reputation) a favor and stick with flip-flops or sneakers.

DO avoid the Freshman 15. There’s nothing worse than coming home for Thanksgiving break only to have your family say, “Wow … you look so different,” with awkward smiles on their faces. The next time you’re wasted, rethink that half a pizza you scarf down because you think you’re “dying of hunger.” You’re not dying. People in third world countries are dying; you’re just drunk. As far as eating at the dining hall, use the salad bar to your advantage. Either that or look at other options besides eating five hamburgers in one sitting. Seriously, that is NOT healthy. You’ll need your arteries cleared before you take your first 300-level class.

DO avoid multiple and simultaneous hook-ups, especially ones that involve people on the same floor or dorm as you. Try as you may, you will be found out. Nothing is worse than having three girls/guys come at you at the same time because they found out you were playing musical beds. Your dorm is your home away from home. Who wants to avoid going to their humble abode? No one. If you create a situation in which you feel uncomfortable walking into your own habitat, where are you going to go? I guess you could move in with a friend on another floor or in a different dorm. But let’s be honest, the dorm rooms are small enough. Guys, keep the thinking above the waist. And girls, keep those legs crossed.

In the movie of life, there is no pause, rewind or stop. There is only play. If you’re wondering where fast-forward went in that equation, why would you want to? Your college years are to be savored; you’ll never get them back. These first few weeks are a preview to your next four years. Before you know it, the credits will be rolling by, and you’ll walk out of that theater, diploma in hand and ready to face the world.

Olivia Logan is a junior journalism major. She can be reached at ologan@umd.edu.