Q: I’ve been talking to this cute girl lately, and I’m planning to invite her over to watch a movie. I’m hoping to hook up with her by the end of the night; what’s a good movie choice to set the mood?
A: Well, inviting her over to watch a movie is already sending the right message. All girls hear when boys say, “Wanna come hang out and watch a movie?” is, “Wanna come over and take my pants off?” So even if your choice is the second Mortal Kombat movie, she’ll probably get the idea. But that’s not to say certain movies won’t set the mood better than others, and your chances are obviously a lot better with the right atmosphere.
You might be thinking that the only reasonable answer I could give to this question is The Notebook. However, the issue with a movie this high on the romance-o-meter is that even the massive amounts of crying and runny noses are unlikely to distract her from the fact that you elected to watch the girliest movie ever. We can’t have you coming off as unmanly. There’s also the slim chance that you might start to cry, too, in which case you probably nullified any chance you may have had of getting lucky. You will, however, highly increase your chance of getting a long, patronizing hug and some compassionate shoulder-patting. Score.
You have two options to choose from, and which one to choose depends solely on how good you are at sealing the deal. If you feel confident that you can get yourself into hook-up range before the movie ends, your best option is something along the lines of Casino Royale. Not only does this movie showcase your manliness with its heart-pounding action – as nameless henchmen are blasted all over the place – but it also oozes raw sexuality, and should put any girl in the mood to do a little making out. Again, if you choose this movie, it is absolutely imperative that you start hooking up before the end. I don’t want to spoil the ending for anyone who hasn’t seen it, but let’s just say you’ll have a hard time enticing a girl who has just lost all faith in love in five short (but devastating) minutes. You’ll also seem far less attractive if she can’t take her mind off consoling a weary Daniel Craig and restoring his faith in women.
If you’re the kind of guy who needs a good 15 minutes to work your hand around her shoulder and another 20 or so to get her head facing in your direction, a movie with a time constraint probably isn’t for you. It’s time to whip out the big guns. For the sake of good advice, I’m going to reveal a personal weakness of mine that I hope no one will attempt to use against me. After I see the newest version of Pride and Prejudice, I will literally jump into the arms of the next guy I see and start making out with him. Literally.
The advantage a movie like this has over The Notebook is it comes with built-in excuses for watching it that make you come off as less of a puss-wagon. Excuse No. 1: “Dude, Keira Knightley is so hot, I will honestly watch any movie that she is in.” Excuse No. 2: “I really enjoy reading the work of Jane Austen, and appreciate the way she portrays the struggles of young women in the Victorian Age. I’m thoroughly excited to see the film adaptation of one of my favorite literary accomplishments.” But let’s be honest – if you can make some magic happen after whipping out excuse No. 2, you probably don’t need my advice.
Esti Frischling is a sophomore studio art major, so she literally has nothing better to do than answer your questions. She can be reached at estidbk@gmail.com.
