In what universe is it a good idea for American teenagers to face off against North Koreans?
As a U.S. citizen, I study at a public university, enjoy personal religious freedoms, speak my opinion without fear of persecution and recently voted in a free and fair election to choose the leaders of my country.
So why does the remake of Cold War-era action flick Red Dawn leave such a bad taste in my mouth about America?
This misguided attempt at cashing in on a film that isn’t even that big of a cult classic (have you seen the original 1984 Red Dawn?) stands as one of the worst representations of the U.S. I’ve seen to date.
Setting aside the movie’s blind morality and inherent racism, Red Dawn isn’t even a well-made film. Seriously, if you’re going to make Americans look like fools, at least put a little artistic elbow grease into it.
Hell, I would have accepted visuals that didn’t give me a headache, but more on that later.
What exactly is Red Dawn? It’s a film about a group of teenagers that fights back against the invading forces of the big bad “other” country that has invaded Washington, the Evergreen State (the original film took place in the Midwest).
It’s an idea that only worked in the 1980s, when the Soviet Union still felt like a very real threat to the U.S. At the time, the filmmakers were attempting to cash in on the fear and paranoia of the Cold War, like any good film producer tried to do from the late 1940s until 1991.
Sure, there are plenty of non-U.S. governments and political factions today that pose ideological threats to our democratic society, but the idea of the U.S. facing a full-scale militarized invasion by these forces is preposterous, bordering on the logic of a G.I. Joe cartoon.
Taking the Soviet-era communism out of Red Dawn is like taking the magic out of Harry Potter — all you’re left with is a bunch of directionless teenagers.
So then why bother remaking Red Dawn? There are tons of other crappy ideas from the ‘80s that could line producers’ pockets with gold. How about a MacGyver reboot (I just checked, and the film version is coming soon)?
The only real reason to remake something like Red Dawn is to try to capitalize on U.S. citizens’ current worldly fears, which are at an all-time high thanks to the post-9/11, 24-hour (bad) news cycle.
Let’s take a moment to see how this misguided dream of recreating Red Dawn came to fruition.
“Wait!” some boardroom executive at MGM must have said, “What about China? They’re an economic rival; I bet we could get people to hate them!”
Meant for release back in 2010, Red Dawn was originally intended as a film about the U.S. being invaded by China.
“But wait!” some other boardroom executive at MGM had to have said — after filming had wrapped and the company was in a financial pickle — “We don’t want to anger the Chinese by demonizing the entire country; we might not be able to make a return on our investment! Let’s just digitally alter the film so that the invaders are North Koreans! No one likes them.”
Go online right now and look it up, readers all those actors who signed up to play Chinese invaders were grandfathered into the partially re-edited version as North Koreans.
It was just cheaper that way.
As far as the MGM bigwigs are concerned, American audiences don’t care. Chinese, Korean or Japanese — it’s all just “Asian,” right? There’s never been a U.S. citizen interested in cultural heritage, right?
Well, thanks for making the U.S. look even more racist and xenophobic in the eyes of the world than ever before, MGM. I shudder to say this, but without the focus of Soviet-era paranoia, the new Red Dawn is a just a steaming pile of misplaced anger and vehement nationalism.
The whole film is one massive and misguided patriotic explosion that can’t get any relief — did we really need a scene in which Chris Hemsworth’s (Snow White and the Huntsman) ex-Marine character talks about being stationed in Iraq, saying that when he was over there the U.S. soldiers were the good guys, keeping the peace, but now that the U.S. has been invaded his group of teens have to become the bad guys?
Did we really need a lovable Marine that says “motards”every fifth word? Did we really need the characters constantly reminding us that the invaders are evil? Did we really need that scene where the American flag rises above a prison camp breakout as dozens of unidentifiable “Asians” are slaughtered?
All that aside, I guess MGM did need to sell some things in this movie,like the scene in which some of the teenagers risk their lives to get delicious Subway sandwiches?
Or how about Red Dawn’s defining moment of unrepentant commerciality and unfathomable stupidity, in which one of the freedom-fighting teenagers complains that he misses playing Call of Duty: Modern Warfare, post-invasion?
Oh yes, dear readers, that happened, too.
And by the way, MGM, having one Asian-American Marine at the end of your movie does not make up for any of the preceding moments — not at all.
All right, I guess if you can get past all of the baggage and just watch Red Dawn as an action flick, you’ll be happy to know it is still complete garbage. Plagued by overwrought editing and Steadicam shaking, the film is a seizure-inducing collage of gunfire. You’ll mostly just be bored and confused, although if you actually paid to see this movie you might still feel a little shell-shocked after all.
On top of that, most of the acting is poor, and even though Josh Peck (Ice Age: Continental Drift) tries his hardest, he will never be an action hero after Drake & Josh.
None of that filmmaking jargon matters, though — if Hollywood keeps making movies with the same mindset used to create Red Dawn, then the death of the motion picture is even closer than I had assumed. What U.S. citizens should really do is rise up against the rubbish and throw this invading force of ignorance out of our cinemas.
If not, the next film we’re likely to see is a full-tilt remake of The Birth of a Nation, lacking any irony.
Do not see Red Dawn. In fact, once you’re done reading this, never speak of Red Dawn again. It’s just another stain on the canvas of a country I’m otherwise proud to call home.
