In the tradition of the Comedy Central roasts of celebrities such as Flava Flav and Pamela Anderson, Testudo sat in the hot seat yesterday, enduring insult after insult, all without saying a word.
Rob Warrington, events coordinator for the Off-Campus Student Programming Board, devised the event as the finale of Off-Campus Student Week.
“This roast has been in the works since fall semester,” said Warrington, a junior criminology and criminal justice major. “The idea came to me as a eureka moment.”
Warrington originally tried to get university celebrities such as Terrapin men’s basketball coach Gary Williams and women’s basketball coach Brenda Frese as roasters, but he had to settle for three members from improv comedy group The Bureau, two members of the Student Government Association, a professor, a wildlife biologist and a man disguised as every turtle’s nemesis — the infamous hare.
After making his entrance to the beat of Zombie Nation’s “Kernkraft 400 (Sport Chant Stadium Remix)” while clapping and jumping up and down, Testudo sat in a large chair covered in university blankets for the rest of the show, accompanied by balloons and a banner.
Roasters poked fun at Testudo for dropping out of the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles and for lacking an intimidation factor.
Warrington ridiculed Testudo for claiming he is “unstoppable,” comparing him to a sorority member: “Once you’re on your back, you’re screwed.”
With only about 50 spectators, a few of whom just so happened to be in the back of Stamp Student Union’s Baltimore Room, the show seemed to draw its crowd for the “Off-Campus Terps” T-shirt giveaway and raffle for an iPod touch.
“To roast Testudo is an interesting idea,” junior criminology and criminal justice major Amy Schwarzl said. “I heard about it through the fliers, but I’m interested in the free stuff.”
As the stash of free shirts was depleted, so too was the interest of the audience members, many of whom seemed caught between amusement and embarrassment at the many jokes about Testudo’s sex life and drug habits.
After the roasters finished their jokes, SGA President Steve Glickman and Clyde Thompson, spokesman for the university’s chapter of College Republicans, spoke for the mute turtle by trashing the other roasters and themselves.
Resolving a host of allegations that have recently surfaced, Glickman confessed he won two elections because Testudo did all of the voting.
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