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Can my partner rightfully say he is still in-love with me in an exclusive relationship, even if he had sex with random men during the relationship itself? He is saying that sex is separable from feeling in-love which I struggled to understand. If the answer is no, what will be the most effective way for him to understand my point?
There’s no universal answer to the question of whether or not sex is separable from love. It’s really a matter of opinion, and yours isn’t matching your partner’s. The real question is what you should do about it.
Your partner is allowed to “rightfully” say that he has been in love with you while having sex with other random people. What he can’t say, though, is that he was in an exclusive relationship with you … especially if you personally don’t include random hookups in that definition.
You’re focused on getting him to agree with you about the definitions of sex and love. But, since it’s a matter of opinion, you’re wasting your time. What you need to focus on is how you’re going to incorporate his interpretation of commitment and love into the relationship you’re forming with him.
It’s completely acceptable for you to define an exclusive relationship as one where sex is only occurring between the two of you. It’s also just as acceptable for you to define it as something that allows for playing on the side. The important thing is that you and your partner both agree on the definition.
No matter how your partner feels about sex, it’s clear that you can’t separate it from love. And it’s going to be important for you to find someone who is okay with that, and who can stay completely monogamous so that you don’t get hurt.
No matter how much you like your partner, you’re not going to be happy in a relationship where he’s having sex on the side. Even if he can separate sex from love, you can’t. That’s all that really matters in this situation.
Talk to your partner and make sure he understands how you feel. If he refuses to stop having sex on the side, you need to break up with him. You’ll both be happier in relationships where the boundaries are what you want them to be. He’ll be happy with a partner who can also separate sex from love, and you’ll be happy with someone who can’t.
Don’t let your connection between love and sex be severed because someone else can’t understand it. You’ll find someone who links the two just as closely as you do, and in the end you will be a lot happier.
I have always identified as a straight girl, but can easily find beauty or attractiveness in other women. Recently, I’ve only been able to finish while masturbating to lesbian porn, and have become more aware of cute girls on campus. Is this just curiosity, or a sign of something more?
Here’s the thing: Curiosity is a sign of something more. If you were just talking about finding other women attractive on campus, I wouldn’t take it too seriously … but you’re masturbating to lesbian porn. Not only that, but lesbian porn is the only kind that gets you to orgasm. You definitely have a sexual attraction to women.
Don’t let the fact that you’ve always identified as straight be a barrier in the exploration of your sexuality. Most people who end up attracted to the same sex also started off identifying as “straight.” The process of coming out, whether it’s as gay or bi, is all about deviating from that label and accepting the fact that you’re not the person you thought you were.
You could be completely straight and just have a low level of curiosity, or you could be strongly attracted to women. The only way you’ll find out is if you try it out and see for yourself.
There are gay bars for women in DC, and they are only a short metro ride away. Take a couple of friends with you and go check them out. Once you have other women coming on to you, you’ll be able to tell if you feel an attraction towards them.
As long as you feel confident enough to explore your sexuality, you should definitely do it. You don’t want to end up marrying a man, only to realize that you like women. College is an amazing time that allows for exploration and experimentation. Take advantage of it, and see where you end up. You never know what might happen or how you’ll feel. Have fun!
