Even though I spent my last column urging readers to consider not bothering to vote in the Student Government Association elections, given the hilarity of this particular race, I couldn’t resist writing another column about it. Potential voters have a lot of confusing questions on their minds: Can I be fined for voting for the STARE Party? Can I be sued for voting for the “SKYY” Party? What kind of self-respecting sixth grade English teacher gave SGA President Steve Glickman a passing grade? I hope to provide a little clarity by presenting the best arguments for each choice.
Your: Voting for Glickman and His party verges on a tax-deductible donation to Diamondback cartoonists. His Alfred E. Neuman looks have made Justin Cousson’s job far too easy. His Sarah Palin-esque Greco-Roman wrestling matches with the English language make every news article a word puzzle. What on earth did he mean by, “a lot of my initiatives that I put forth last year are towards the long-term end of initiatives that have ever been pushed forward by student body presidents”? Just the puzzle for after you’ve finished the crossword. Your Party is the SGA clique, so if its members lose, what will they do with themselves?
SKY: For those who desire a better world, SKY might be the most strategic pick. Let’s face facts: Andrew Steinberg is going to be out there somewhere next year, advantaging himself regardless of the costs to others. Wouldn’t you rather have him somewhere we can watch him and he can’t do much damage? Without the imagination or structural capacity to do much of anything, a SKY SGA could effectively neutralize Steinberg. Sounds like a win for peace and justice to me.
STARE: I think I risk angering the capricious and wrathful SGA Elections Board by referring to STARE as a party. Apparently the not-party members turned in a form late, refused to pay a fine and then added “STARE” to their last names on the ballot. They’re clearly smarter than the elections board, which I guess qualifies them for the job. STARE is the party that could lead to the withering away of the SGA, as the victorious activists cancel useless meetings because they’re too busy to bother. Alternatively, if anyone has been looking for a chance to stick activists with hefty symbolic responsibilities either out of spite or a desire to preserve the status quo, voting for STARE might be in your best interest.
Not voting: Let’s say voting takes two minutes. If you work a job for $10 an hour for two minutes, you’ve earned about 33 cents. A 12-ounce domestic beer at happy hour is $2 or about 17 cents an ounce. I think the rule should be that you should only vote if you honestly believe participating in this process is more important than two ounces of Miller Lite.
Malcolm Harris is a senior English and government and politics major. He can be reached at harris at umdbk dot com.
