This month, I was considering writing about Charlie Sheen’s little hooker escapades, but that turned out to be unbelievably boring. Then, actor Leslie Nielsen died, and I thought I’d do a little bit on him, but chances are not many of you share the same affinity I have for the man. So what was left?

The E! network, of course.

Last Sunday, E! premiered Bridalplasty, a show on which — and this is a serious quote from the show’s press release — “brides-to-be compete in wedding-themed challenges to win extensive surgical procedures.”

I know that’s a lot to deal with right off the bat, but let’s move on to the show’s official description, shall we?

“Each week, a group of women competes head-to-head in such challenges as writing wedding vows and planning honeymoons,” the statement said. “The winner receives the chance to choose a plastic surgery procedure from her ‘wish list.’ She’s given the procedure immediately, and results are shown at the start of the following week’s episode.”

Oh my! I surely hope this doesn’t run more than an hour per episode because how will I ever choose between this and The Walking Dead otherwise? The show also notes that the first time the groom and family of the winner will see the bride’s new appearance will be when her veil is lifted at the altar.

As with most of these rants, I’m a fan of full disclosure: I’m an occasional sucker for shitty reality shows.

I was pretty big on Jon & Kate Plus 8 before the divorce drama; I love when Bravo shows day-long marathons of the Real Housewives series; and, man, do I love Top Chef and Search for the Next Food Network Star.

But at what point do these shows stop? Not “When do we stop watching them?” but rather “When will a line be drawn?”

E! now has Bridalplasty, Dr. 90210 and whatever city the Kardashians are taking this season. (Although they do get a small pass for The Soup.)

Bravo is home to Millionaire Matchmaker, that shrew Rachel Zoe and the insufferable douchebags on Million Dollar Listing.

Then there’s the worst of them all, TLC, which broadcasts shows such as I Didn’t Know I Was Pregnant, 19 Kids and Counting, Little People, Big World and — dear God, it pains me to write this — Sarah Palin’s Alaska.

And that’s just the tip of the iceberg. My problem with these shows is that not only do they thrust despicable people into the limelight, but they also make others want to be like them. (Fun fact: While typing this, I misspelled “despicable,” and Microsoft Word’s spell check suggested “disposable.” That works almost as well.)

I mean, how many Snookis did you see out on Halloween this year? How many times have you overheard someone defending Kendra? How many more times am I going to have to pretend Kim Kardashian deserves to be famous?

But that’s not my real bone to pick at this time. I can judge others, but there’s a limit to my criticism because I occasionally indulge in these shows, too. But Bridalplasty?

It’s almost as if E! is trying to insult viewers. As if the network is a 13-year-old pushing her parents’ buttons just to see how far she can get. How much are we willing to put up with?

This show is not only dumb — it’s also dangerous. I highly doubt it will inspire many women to go out and get plastic surgery before their wedding day, but what happens if this show is successful? Will there be a second season? If so, that means there will be tryouts, and much like the absurd fervor over MTV’s The Real World casting, it means people will be seeking out the chance to do the show.

Reality shows are usually unspeakably dumb, but they are, admittedly, a good way to pass some time. But — and I know I’m about to sound melodramatic — we can’t allow Bridalplasty to succeed.

The terrific pop-culture website videogum.com posted this headline with the trailer for the show: “Bridalplasty: The Final TV Show Ever Made Before Mankind Slips Quietly Into The Dust.” Should the show be a success or even air the full season, we may have to ask ourselves: Are we that far off?

klucas@umdbk.com