Things have become so dire within the rom-com genre that simply labeling a film a “romantic comedy” is practically an indictment, and the Anna Faris (Take Me Home Tonight) vehicle What’s Your Number? does nothing to rectify the situation.
Faris, a would-be star perpetually in search of the right script (her surprising comedic abilities are matched only by her inability to choose the right roles), stars as Ally. Upon reading an article in Marie Claire stating that women who have more than 20 sexual partners — the exact number Ally has had — have trouble finding a husband, decides she needs to stop dating and instead revisit all her exes to see if any of them were in fact “the one.”
The cast is impressive, including Ed Begley Jr. (Rizzoli & Isles) as Faris’ father, Chris Evans (Captain America: The First Avenger) in the “nice guy across the hall” role and Anthony Mackie (Real Steel), Joel McHale (Community), Martin Freeman (Sherlock), Zachary Quinto (Margin Call) and real-world Faris beau Chris Pratt (Moneyball) as some of her exes (a group that also includes a few brief cameos by other well-known actors), but all are poorly served by underwritten, cliché roles.
Of course, as Evans and Faris search for the perfect guy, they begin to fall for one another, because that’s how these things work. Their flirtation culminates in a game of strip-HORSE in the Boston Celtics’ arena (set to the Black Eyed Peas, no less) and, in one of the most laughably unromantic seduction scenes in recent memory, a bit of skinny-dipping in Boston Harbor.
The film avoids precisely none of the tropes of the genre, right down to the manufactured third-act conflict. There are the expected wacky hijinks (Hair on fire! Bad accents!) and recycled punchlines (targets include Google, Internet porn and old people texting), with some overwrought dialogue thrown in for good measure. (“I guess I was so afraid you were an asshole that I became the biggest asshole of all.”)
The film tries to cover up its lack of originality with vulgarity, but it’s a lost cause. There’s lots of cursing and talk of sex organs and positions, even incest and bestiality jokes, but it all seems tame when tied to such a staid narrative. The film’s got a dirty mouth, but that can’t hide its robotic heart.
VERDICT: What’s Your Number? wastes its talented cast on a boring, middlebrow formula.
rgifford@umdbk.com
