We may have just celebrated a day devoted to the celebration of labor, but it’s just another desolate word for work that can often alienate an employee from his identity. Excessive hours and the lack of human interaction or the presence of interesting coworkers (who may or may not belong to the same species) can leave employees feeling as though they are contributing to a world far removed from reality.
So what could possibly make the workplace any worse? A horrible boss. I thus submit a list of the telltale signs of such a creature.
Please note, the following are in no particular order or rank. It is assured that at least one of the following occurrences will take place under the rule of a shitty boss. The shittier the boss, the greater the frequency of infractions.
No. 1: your boss addresses your team, department and/or fellow co-workers with anger. He or she violates the cubicle code, combatively breaching your personal space while you practice sleeping with your eyes open, and goes off about something that no one knows about or cares to know about. If after this rude awakening (literally) everyone in your unfeeling vicinity feels like they are constantly being reprimanded, there’s a problem, and it isn’t you (for once). These intrusive, contentious encounters leave you unmotivated and unproductive. In essence, your boss is a cock-block to your productivity.
No. 2: his emails are one word long and/or use incomplete sentences. If he doesn’t take the time to answer you properly, why should you even bother exerting the effort to complete his bitch work? Your boss is setting an example for your performance and the rest of the company. Under normal circumstances he would not expect you to communicate to clients in such a fashion, but by doing so with you, he tacitly approves such behavior. He thus sets the company up for future failure and embarrassment.
No. 3: your boss is consistently unapproachable. Bosses who use a chain of command to answer your questions, rely solely on email communication or avoid you altogether are imbeciles. I once encountered a boss who, whenever I asked him a question, would first pause for a good five seconds and then look at me without moving his head and shift his eyeballs into a dark frame. Eventually he would spit out an unintelligible explanation, somehow insinuating that I should have known the answer, when in actuality the fool never took the time to teach me whatever it is I’m inquiring about. I could never tell when our conversation was over, but I always walked away internalizing a little bit of his misery and distress.
No. 4: This last one is a red flag: You and your coworkers are out sick— a lot. If you find yourself lying about various appointments, strange illnesses or, my personal favorite, bee stings (I’m deathly allergic), it’s obviously because of your boss. No one even wants to be in the same building as these poor excuses for human beings. I empathize completely. You are not alone, and it is not your fault.
If your higher-up regularly exhibits any or all of the above indicators, he is indeed a horrible boss. The more signs he exhibits, the further he traverses along bad-boss scale, from “clueless” into “jerk” territory. Money is money, and I understand that, so I’m not urging you to quit (at least not right away, especially if your job involves free food). Just remember that you should never have to succumb to anyone else, and there comes a time when you need to stop working for a piece of shit. But in the meantime, appreciate the learning experience, savor the stories you can tell your friends and enjoy spending your strenuously earned cash.
And never forget that you can generally get away with significant levels of tomfoolery in a workplace run by a foolish monster.
Brittany Campbell is a junior philosophy and government and politics major. She can be reached at campbell@umdbk.com.
