The word “bromance” may have emerged only recently, but the concept has existed for generations. A bromance, in my own words, is when two male friends publicly – and without shame – display their fondness for each other and together reach an unprecedented level of extreme awesomeness. It just so happens people all of a sudden gave it a label incorporating the words “bro” and “romance” in an attempt to embarrass best friends everywhere for being so close.
But the term doesn’t make true bros blush. The attempt at shame and humor failed, miserably, because mockery is a terrible disguise for jealousy. And you know who’s jealous of bromances – the ladies.
A bromance encompasses everything women want out of their relationships with men: going out and engaging in sweet activities, finishing each other’s sentences and enjoying each other’s company in a way the opposite sex just can’t match.
It’s not that guys are intentionally putting their bros before their hoes; it’s more of a natural inclination.
Can a bro talk to his girlfriend about sports? I dare you to bring up Kevin Durant’s ridiculous 3-point shooting percentage, or how you think the Manhattan Messiah will fit into the Jets’ offense. Watch as her face cringes and mind wanders. And then, God forbid, you dial in to a game on TV mid-conversation – you might as well have just cheated on her right before her eyes.
Can a bro take his girlfriend out V-neck shopping? Sure, if he wants to spend an exorbitant amount of time trying on clothes in the fitting room, comparing and contrasting clothes in each store and then being forced to spend the rest of the afternoon/early evening nearby as she shifts the focus to a new handbag and shoes.
Can a bro watch romantic comedies with his girlfriend? Warning: If you do, keep the remote nearby. Watching a romcom with a chick is like getting that extra commentary feature on the DVD, except the insight you’re hearing is like a sharp, mind-gutting pain in your ear. And when you pause the flick to let her speak, she’s oblivious as to why.
Now take all of those awesome, fun and extremely personal festivities and replace your girlfriend with your bro – it’s like hearing they’re making a sequel to Anchorman.
When you talk sports with your bro, you’re free to tune in and tune out at your own leisure. Drown ’em out and jump back in whenever you feel like it – he won’t take it personally, he’ll return the favor. And in the end, you’ve both made your points and can move on.
Shopping with your bro allows you to finally enjoy that one-stop, express-version of buying clothes that only Internet shopping can provide. Except now you have your bro/wingman beside you when you spot a beautiful babe, and you’ll be dressed fresh.
And when you watch romcoms with your bro, it’s an unspoken rule to remain unspoken. Laugh, cry, fart, burp – that’s all good – but there is never a need to interject with your emotional state or when a scene reminds you of a previous hookup.
Some of the classic bromances are J.D. and Turk from Scrubs, House and Wilson from House and The Hills’ Brody Jenner and Co. But every bro needs a bromance.
Speaking personally, I have five. And I make sure that (at least) once a week I dedicate a day of bro-tivities to them. For example, a brunch chock-full of endless mimosas, an afternoon of Ryan Gosling movies and an abundance of girlish giggles – it’s not only awesome; it’s bromantic.
Sam Spiegelman is a senior journalism major. He can be reached at spiegelman@umdbk.com.
