Picture this: You are working the closing shift at an on-campus job that provides meager pay and even less respect. It’s 15 minutes after closing time, and for the past 20 minutes you have been repeatedly asking four men to finish up. After about six polite reminders, you finally tell them in a more forceful way they need to exit the building.
As they meander out, one guy mumbles, “Bitch.”
Maybe you would simply chalk it up to rudeness, shrug it off and get on with your night. But when I found myself in this position last week, I wasn’t ready to let it go that easily.
I unleashed my anger and told them exactly what I thought of them and their choice of expletive, earning only their unrepentant denial and more, “What the f—, bitch!”
Now, I have been called a bitch more times than I can count, so why, you ask, was I throwing such a hissy fit?
It’s because in any other situation (say, if the employee were a large man or sturdier, bigger woman), chances are the guys would have complied silently for fear of stronger retaliation.
But I am a 130-pound girl with a slightly high-pitched voice. I realized the reason for these incessant and endearing salutations was mostly because I have strong opinions and am not afraid to express them. This makes me a bitch? Men do it every day and it’s called “assertiveness.”
It seems to me some men feel they can speak any way they choose to someone smaller and ostensibly “weaker” than they are without consequence.
This brought to mind a discussion in my sociology of gender course in which we discuss stereotypes of men and women. According to sociologist Michael Kimmel, societal norms tell us women are to remain quiet, passive and docile. Men are naturally forceful and aggressive. Any “gender breaking” of these stereotypes is viewed in a negative, abnormal light by the rest of society. Now, I am not known for my docile or gentle manner, but the fact that I can stand up for myself does not make me a bitch.
My larger point is that many guys just do not respect women. Just walking around the campus, I often see examples of guys outright disrespecting girls — calling out, “Hey bitch!” or, “What’s up, slut!” even as a joke. In bars, I see them touching girls they don’t even know on the hand, back or anywhere else. I hear about guys refusing to take “no” for an answer and verbally trashing the girl when they finally grasp it.
A lot of us have heard of using the acronym “Babe In Total Control of Herself” as a defense when someone uses this word. I used to subscribe to that theory because yes, indeed, I am a babe in total (or at least partial) control of myself. But using this justification further fuels the idea that it is acceptable to refer to a girl by this term. I don’t care if a girl is your friend or not; it is NOT tolerable to refer to her by this or any other demeaning name.
Girls, it’s not funny, polite or necessary to be referred to in such derogatory terms. The next time someone calls you a bitch for being forceful, insistent or uncompromising, don’t let it slide. To the guys out there who respect girls — and that is most of you — it IS appreciated. To the ones who don’t, including the four I encountered: Would you go up to your mother and act or talk the way you do toward other women?
Nikkee Porcaro is a junior journalism major. She can be reached at cole120@umd.edu.
