Bieber

If there’s one celebrity who needs no introduction, it’s Justin Bieber.

Since the release of his first EP in 2009 — when he was just 15 years old — Bieber has maintained unwavering cultural relevance. As the years passed and his boyishly punchable face became a sneeringly punchable face, Bieber’s reserved spot in the parking lot of popular culture never faded.

That sneeringly punchable face will take the limelight once more during Comedy Central’s Roast of Justin Bieber, Monday night at 10 p.m. As usual, it’s a limelight Biebs has brazenly invited himself into — he’d been asking Comedy Central to roast him “for years,” he tweeted back in January. But this time (for a change), he’ll be the one taking the verbal abuse.

The roast was filmed earlier this month, and Bieber’s lucky to be sharing the stage with some especially talented comedians. Roast Master Kevin Hart (who performed on campus last semester) hosts comedians Pete Davidson (who also performed on campus last year), Hannibal Buress of Broad City and roast veterans Jeffrey Ross, Natasha Leggero and Chris D’Elia. Shaquille O’Neal, Martha Stewart, Snoop Dogg and Ludacris make up the rest of the night’s lineup.

But don’t get your hopes too high for the jokes. Bieber’s entrenched in a pretty defined discourse, which means the dais of roasters will be grabbing lots of low-hanging fruit. No doubt we’ll see references to his pretentious hair, or his shrill pre-adolescent voice, or that time he peed in a bucket, or his two arrests, or that time America petitioned to have him deported. I don’t need to go on; the jokes write themselves, and the roasters know it.

At the same time, out of the roast’s lineup, Buress, a rising star in comedy, stands out as a comedian who will bring some fresh and clever material to the mythos of Bieber, a character who has become a parody of himself. Buress’ opening line has already leaked across the Internet. “They say that you roast the ones you love,” he supposedly says. “But I don’t like you at all, man. I’m just here because it’s a real good opportunity for me.”

The real reason to watch will be for Bieber’s reaction. Obviously, the entire event is nothing more than a publicity stunt. After obediently sitting through joke after brutal joke made at his expense, he’ll stumble through a scripted and long-overdue apology for acting like an intolerable brat. Everyone will clap, and Bieber will beam at the first genuinely positive (if not slightly uncomfortable) round of applause he’s had any claim to in a while. As Buress supposedly quips during the roast, “Actually, [he] should thank [the roasters] for participating in this extremely transparent attempt to be more likable in the public eye.”

And then comes the aftermath. Will the Biebs change his ways and become a reformed man? It’s possible. Just around a decade ago, nobody took Matthew McConaughey or Robert Downey Jr. seriously, but look at them now.

Bieber deserves the second chance the roast is presumably giving him. Not because of any of his own virtues, all of which escape me at the moment — what are his virtues again? No, he deserves a second chance because he was given his celebrity at a young age, and all kids make stupid mistakes.

If Bieber uses this roast as a jumping-off point to become a serious musician and learn how treat others respectfully and tastefully, then good for him. Even spoiled and offensive brats like Bieber can change.