Foo Fighters

Over the past few years, I’ve been working on a theory. In honor of the recent success of the Foo Fighters’ new album Sonic Highways, I want to share my discovery with the world.

It’s nothing groundbreaking — unless, of course, you’re looking to make it in the music industry. If so, this theory is the one for you.

The realization struck about two years ago.

It was July. I was deep inside a blanket fort I’d built for the four young boys I used to babysit. We were playing house (or was it zoo … or both?) and I, the mother/zookeeper/authority figure, was pretending to be asleep, as any responsible guardian would.

While deep in the fog of my pretend dreamland, I heard the voices of my lieges beckoning me to make lunch. Willing just a few more seconds of solace, I continued my little charade — until, that is, they started blasting music. It was at a decibel level no human being should ever be exposed to. It was Franz Ferdinand’s “Take Me Out.”

“At least it’s a good song,” I thought.

And then it hit me. I have no idea how or why. Sometimes epiphany just strikes.

Bands whose names include two words beginning with “F” are at the very least good, and at the very most successful.

The theory has expanded since that fateful day to include six bands: Foo Fighters, Franz Ferdinand, Five for Fighting, Fleet Foxes, A Fine Frenzy and Friendly Fires.

Over the years, I’ve watched — quietly, patiently — to see if my theory held any ground.

Let’s examine the facts:

David Grohl’s Foo Fighters have won four Grammys in the Best Rock Album category as well as six Grammys in other categories. That’s 10 Grammys, people. Ten. Besides that, they’ve enjoyed wildly unattainable success and, as Jack Black put it, they are “the one band that has looked Grammy in the eye and managed to hold on to their indie cred.” Sonic Highways, which dropped last week, is projected to hit the Billboard 200’s top 10 in the next few days.

Franz Ferdinand won the Mercury Prize in 2004 for its eponymous debut album. The band has won four U.K. NME awards and its lastest album, Right Thoughts, Right Words, Right Action, hit No. 1 on the U.K. Indie Chart.

Five for Fighting is everyone’s favorite ’90s nostalgia singer/songwriter. You know it. I know it. Plus, John Ondrasik’s got two platinum albums, and that’s not so bad, either.

The lovely Fleet Foxes are Grammy-nominated and critically acclaimed. Their debut album, Fleet Foxes, received a nine-out-of-10 rating from Pitchfork. The Guardian called it “a landmark in American music.” Oh, and Fleet Foxes’ second album, Helplessness Blues, charted higher than its masterpiece of a first. So, I guess the band’s doing OK.

Lesser-known but still doing well, A Fine Frenzy is a VH1 “You Oughta Know” artist and that girl who  sings “Almost Lover.” Her music’s also been featured on movie and TV screens in such works as Dan in Real Life, The Lucky One, The Vampire Diaries and on teenage girls’ breakup playlists.

Probably the least known of the “FF” bands (I’m having trouble remembering why I know about them) is Friendly Fires, an English ensemble whose self-titled debut album made the short list for the Mercury Prize. Sure, the band might never be as popular as Justin Bieber, but then again, is that really a bad thing?

So, there you have it. It’s not based on science, but you can’t deny the logic. Of course, it’s only a theory; the Christian rock band Family Force 5 and heavy metal group Fear Factor haven’t exactly achieved musical acclaim, but even Einstein’s theory of relativity has its flaws. 

Believe me or not, but when your best friend’s cousin is looking for advice on how to make it to the musical big-time, don’t say I didn’t tell you.