Matthew James, 27, kept his homosexuality a secret for the duration of his service in the Navy. James, now a sophomore community health major, feared punishment at the time. 

Gay citizens can now serve openly in the military, but the LGBT veterans who served before the Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell policy was repealed more than two years ago often worked in secrecy, solitude and fear.

From the time Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell became law in 1993 to when it was repealed in 2010, military service members could not be explicitly asked about their sexual orientation, but they often would be discharged if they were found to be gay.

For most of the five years Matthew James, 27, served in the Navy, he felt he had no choice but to remain in the closet. The isolation became overwhelming when he broke up with his partner of four years — a relationship he had kept secret from his friends and colleagues.

“I had no one to go to,” said James, a sophomore community health major. “Imagine going through a breakup and you can’t tell anyone.”

Other gay service members discovered each other’s secret during nights out at bars and formed an “undergraduate gay network,” he said. On his first ship of about 800 sailors, he knew about 30 were gay. But there could have been more, he said.

Gay servicemen who were discovered by a commanding officer were often dishonorably or other than honorably discharged — marks that would have lasting impacts on their lives, James said.

“Any time you separate from the military and go try to get a job, they want to see your discharge papers,” he said. “If you have anything that isn’t honorable, they’re going to ask questions.”

The fear of a commanding officer discovering his homosexuality was always lingering in the back of Randolph Tidd’s mind during his nine-and-a-half years in the navy.

“I didn’t feel the need to discuss it,” said Tidd, 44, a senior government and politics major. “I worried about what would happen.”

But when the government repealed Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell toward the end of Tidd’s service, he chose not to come out to fellow servicemembers. It was a personal matter that he felt wasn’t relevant to his military service, he said.

“There’s an aspect of the military that the mission is more important than the individual,” he said.

Veteran Darcy Sessions, 53, who served before the government implemented the policy, not only had to hide her sexuality but also did everything she could to appear heterosexual.

Officers from the Office of Special Investigations would go undercover at local bars and downtown hangouts to try to seduce potentially gay servicemembers or catch them flirting with other people of the same sex, Sessions said. In an effort to disguise herself as straight, she moved onto the base with a friend, a gay man.

But prejudice and her fear of being caught weren’t enough to dissuade her from joining the military.

“The desire to serve my country exceeded my fear,” said Sessions, a sociology major. “It was in my heart to serve.”

It’s that patriotism and service that all veterans share, no matter their race, background or sexual orientation, said Joseph Alemany, graduate assistant of veteran student life.

“If you’re a student and have been in the military, we want to help you the best we can,” he said.

But LGBT veterans and active servicemembers still face intolerance despite actions such as the repealing of Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell, said Nick Sakurai, associate director of the LGBT Equity Center.

“Just because you can legally be out doesn’t mean the culture says, ‘We want to respect, accept and empower you for all you are,’” said Sakurai, who helped organize a luncheon for LGBT veterans Friday.

He said he hopes to see more progressive legislation supporting LGBT people in the military, such as protection for transgender service members, who are still banned from serving openly.

And it might take a long time before the culture of the military, with its long history of conservatism and tradition, catches up to the changing times, Sessions said.

“It’s tough for the troops that are having to adapt, and it’s not what they’re used to,” she said. “It’s a huge social cultural shift.”

But progress is being made, and Sessions said if she were in the military today and could serve openly, it would be a much better experience.

“I could totally dedicate myself 100 percent without having that fear weighing over me all the time — it was a distraction,” she said. “We’re adapting, but I’m sure it’s going to take time.”