In a post-Academy Awards interview, George Clooney joked about the lofty status that comes with his Best Supporting Actor Oscar. Because we don’t knight people in the United States, he said, using the title “Oscar winner” should be enough.
Nevertheless, Sunday’s Oscar telecast sure seemed like a coronation. Clooney’s three Oscar nominations created even more opportunities to interview him and to reference his swoon-worthiness, all of which he handled with his classic wit and movie-star charm – his reactions to the adulation from his seat were entertainment in themselves. Jon Stewart may have been the host, but this was Clooney’s show.
And he was on Hollywood’s biggest stage. The Academy Awards are often called the “Super Bowl of award shows,” and given the amount of coverage and the 30 to 40 million viewers, it’s probably the truth. Because it’s a Tinseltown tradition to scrutinize everything and everyone, here’s a taste of what I was thinking as I watched:
3:45 p.m.: E!’s “countdown” show is in its fourth hour. Currently, Laguna Beach’s Kristin Cavalleri is pretending it’s a big deal to get a pedicure for the afterparties. Give me a break, Kristin. You got your nails done every week on LB.
8:20 p.m.: Finally, the big show. Clooney wins Best Supporting Actor and lists “Sexiest Man Alive 1997” as one of his accomplishments. Oh, George, don’t be so modest. You’re forgetting your titles from 1998 through 2006 – maybe not from People, but definitely from the rest of us.
9:02 p.m.: Matt Dillon is caught looking pensive in the crowd. What’s he thinking? “Gosh, I forgot I had such impressive bone structure”?
9:15 p.m.: Daily Show writers, you slay me. The campaign ads may have been fake, but they were correct – Keira Knightley’s cheekbones are superhuman.
9:25 p.m.: This song from Crash is moving, but if the theater catches on fire, people will be emotional for different reasons.
9:50 p.m.: Scratch Clooney. Maybe composer John Williams is the man. He’s nominated twice this year for Best Score, bringing his total nods to 45, only five of which have resulted in awards.
9:58 p.m.: This has been a montage-heavy show. “Holy crap!” Stewart says. “We are out of film clips.” For goodness’ sake, they’ve included a scene from The Day After Tomorrow – one that barely features Jake Gyllenhaal. Shameful.
10:00 p.m.: Jessica Alba and Eric Bana present the award for Best Sound Mixing. I’m with Stewart on his wish to repopulate the world using Alba and Bana’s DNA. But if I were Bana’s wife, I’d prefer he end his partnership with Alba quickly.
10:25 p.m.: Three 6 Mafia just won an Oscar. I am positive that little in my life will ever match the absurdity of this moment. I’m also sure “It’s Hard Out Here for a Pimp” will be stuck in my head for eternity.
10:28 p.m.: Did J.Lo and J.Gar have to talk to each other backstage? Awkward.
10:35 p.m.: Busy Philipps, who played Joey Potter’s roommate Audrey on Dawson’s Creek, is totally sitting next to Michelle Williams, formerly Jen Lindley. Where have you gone, Pacey Witter?
11:24 p.m.: Crash wins Best Picture! Stewart should have saved his “holy crap!” for this moment. Especially when the orchestra cut off the winners’ speeches. Classy.
11:45 p.m.: Clooney is addressing each reporter in the post-show press conference by name and with a warmth that suggests they’re old friends – even when they ask him if he’s dating Teri Hatcher (he declines comment). The man can do no wrong! OK, this round of celebrity worship is getting out of hand. It’s time to turn off the TV.
Contact columnist Laura Kennedy at kennedydbk@gmail.com
