Scream
It’s almost halfway into the Scream series premiere that a secondary character, serial killer-obsessed nerd Noah (John Karna, Sugar Mountain), says what everyone watching is presumably thinking: “You can’t do a slasher movie as a TV series.” Well, if the Scream pilot is any indication, he’s right.
Of course, the remark is meant to be a meta reference, not unlike the ones that litter the 1996 film of the same name (and its subsequent sequels). But while the cult classic is a properly self-aware parody of the horror genre, the newest addition to the Scream franchise is a shining example of all its problems, especially when television is its medium.
“Slasher movies burn bright and fast, TV needs to stretch things out,” Noah goes on to add, and the episode proves just that. For an attempt at the slasher genre, Scream moves incredibly slow and fails to keep its audience anywhere near the edges of their seats. Just like in the original movie, the murder of a popular high school student (Bella Thorne, The DUFF) opens the episode and is the catalyst for all the ensuing chaos. Unfortunately, though, it’s the only bloodshed we see the entire hour and the sequence lasts for an exhausting 10 minutes.
Scream does a better job than a show like Pretty Little Liars, for instance, at trying to find ways around the inevitability of dragging out its narrative. There are clever hints concerning the killer’s identity, doubt cast about certain characters’ intentions and even a few smaller, short-term storylines to satisfy viewers in the meantime. Still, it’s difficult for anyone to feel motivated to tune in to a show that, at its core, is enduring suspense without any hope for a conclusion in the immediate future.
A huge part of the problem, though, is that Noah’s occasional remarks are the only parts of the episode that allude to Scream’s self-referential style. Because they are so scarce, the episode feels like an awful addition to horror television rather than a criticism of it. The over-acting, fake-looking blood and sillier moments (Siri calling Pottery Barn instead of 911) all read as cringe-worthy instead of an inside-joke. Even the iconic Ghostface mask is altered to appear more ominous; the eccentric fun of a killer dressed in a cheap Halloween costume is lost.
The episode slumps to a sluggish end with a final meta message from Noah: “the whodunit might not be as important in our story,” he tells a classmate spooked by recent events. “You have to forget it’s a horror story.” But what he says seems less like a self-aware moment shared with the audience and more like a desperate attempt to convince them to keep watching the show – one that’s ultimately not worth watching at all.
