Kicking & Screaming takes audiences to a place no filmmaker has dared enter before: Mike Ditka’s home.
The den of “Da Bears’” (the NFL’s Chicago Bears, for the football illiterate) legendary coach/drill sergeant, as imagined by director Jesse Dylan (How High), features a serene exterior — a leaf-strewn yard at the height of autumnal suburban splendor.
But inside, amid the dozens of trophies, we find a scary sight — the coach’s old lady, a woman who you get the feeling could stare down General George Patton with relative ease. Funny how a 60-year-old woman who weighs somewhere around a buck 20 can strike more fear into the hearts of men than a 275-pound linebacker.
The side-splitting, back-and-forth conversations between Ditka and his louder half are just one of the many bright spots to be found in Kicking, a tuneup for those who plan on living vicariously through our sons (or daughters, let’s be fair) by ruining their little league soccer experiences.
Will Ferrell, who can do no wrong these days, is perfectly cast as Phil Weston, a caring dad who snaps under the extreme, lifelong competitiveness of his own father, Buck (Robert Duvall, The Godfather).
After he never developed develop into the athlete his father wanted him to be, Phil initially rebels by encouraging his son, Sam (Dylan McLaughlin), to just have fun in his youth soccer league. But when Buck, the coach of the league’s first-place team the Gladiators, trades his grandson to the last-place Tigers, Phil is determined to beat his dad at his own game.
He takes on Tigers coaching duties and recruits Ditka as his assistant coach. The borderline psychotic coach initially rejects Phil’s offer, but when he realizes he’ll be competing head-to-head against Buck, his next-door neighbor and arch-nemesis, he leaps at the opportunity.
Ditka wastes no time, enlisting the help of two Italian ringers who are willing to join the Tigers.
As if Phil wasn’t already eager to defeat his dad, an embarrassing tetherball loss coupled with a newfound coffee addiction pushes him over the edge — victory becomes a must, even at the expense of his son’s playing time.
A crazed Phil encourages his team to break collarbones (“That’s what the medic is for, otherwise he’s just sitting over there”), makes parents run laps, pushes down opposing players and throws lawn chairs. The inevitable life lesson about how winning isn’t everything follows, but it’s presented in a clever, not too sugary-sweet, fashion.
It’s hard to make a soccer dad likable, especially because seeing this film may be déjà vu for millions of parents and children who have endured real-life versions of Phil and Buck. Think about it — if America thought über-competitive, rabid behavior was something to strive for, then Howard Dean would be in the White House.
Yet somehow the thoroughly likable Ferrell finds a way to infuse his character with equal parts mania and humanity. From his turns in Old School to Anchorman and this year’s criminally underappreciated Woody Allen flick, Melinda and Melinda, something tells me we’ve only seen the tip of the iceberg when it comes to Ferrell’s comic ability.
Though it’s Ferrell who carries the film, Ditka’s infectious charisma lightens the load. Whether it’s “You guys couldn’t win a salad bowl let alone a Super Bowl,” or “If you were the Bears I’d fine you 10 grand a piece,” there’s just something about Ditka hollering at a bunch of small children that tickles the funny bone just right.
While there’s no transvestite humor, Kicking is still a worthy successor to the Rodney Dangerfield soccer masterpiece Ladybugs. There’s no line quite as timeless as “get those nailbreakers,” but credit Ferrell’s nutty delivery and the writing team of Leo Benvenuti and Steve Rudnick (co-writers of The Santa Clause) for crafting the most quotable film since last summer’s Napoleon Dynamite.
Whether it’s lesbian jokes or soccer ball-to-the-groin humor (two staples of children’s comedy), Ferrell, Ditka and the gang of little soccer hellions pull off every punchline with the same classless bravado as Ferrell’s “Frank the Tank” in Old School. Except for the hyper 3-foot tyke Byong Sun (or Beyoncé, as Ditka affectionately calls him, played by Elliott Cho), none of the kids on the team really stand out as very interesting — but the whole is better than the sum of the parts.
How encouraging it is to see the kids-sports genre still alive and kicking (and screaming). With the recent sacrilegious release of The Sandlot 2 — a straight-to-DVD movie I can only imagine is so terrible it should have gone straight to 8-track — I, for one, was beginning to wonder if the best kiddy-sports flicks, such as The Sandlot and Little Giants, were behind us.
And though Kicking might not be on the level of these modern classics, it’s still a movie parents, children and everyone in between can watch together and enjoy. Miss this one and the only thing you’ll be kicking is yourself.
