There are certain undeniable truths in the world: Everyone will eventually die; there are seven days in a calendar week; Christina Aguilera can sing. Somehow Aguilera’s new film, Burlesque, manages to touch on all three of these truths.
The plot could not be any simpler. Small-town girl Ali (Aguilera) goes to Los Angeles to find meaning in her life. She finds it at The Burlesque Lounge, where she explains to owner Tess (Cher, Stuck on You) that the thing she wants most is to dance in tiny costumes on stage every night. Of course, Ali makes her way to the stage and suddenly becomes the biggest news in all of L.A. She and the lounge bartender manage to fall in love, just for good measure.
Aguilera’s Ali is so cute it is obnoxious. She is starry-eyed, blonde and loved by all. But there is absolutely nothing behind her good looks and charm; it’s a flatness that leaves viewers irritated after her first performance.
Perhaps the reason for the austere storyline is that viewers can instead give their full attention to the numerous song and dance numbers randomly placed within five minutes of one another. Though glittery and fast-paced, the productions don’t move the plot forward, and they are neither as sharp nor as witty as those of other musicals brought to the silver screen. And the number certainly aren’t provocative enough to provide a respite from the rest of the film’s mundane dialogue.
Cher fans will be disappointed by the diva’s turn in this film, in which she performs only two songs and spends most of the movie being bullied by Ali.
Tess’ right-hand man Sean (Stanley Tucci, Easy A) is easily the best character, thanks to his snappy one-liners and Tucci’s quick delivery.
Most of the characters’ limited interactions take place in The Burlesque Lounge, a place very different from the city in which it is located. The lounge is an attempt at a jazzy saloon but comes off as cheesy. With its dim lighting, aged structure and burlesque dancers in showgirl costumes, the whole thing is too overdone.
The strangest interactions are the ones between Ali and her love interest, Jack (Cam Gigandet, Easy A). The relationship starts off as friendly flirting and blooms into a ballad of true love. Sadly, there is more chemistry between Tess and Sean than these two. The romance is strained at times and more sibling-like than anything else. Had there been more communication between Ali and Jack, the relationship might have been believable.
On paper, this film seems to have something for everyone. A love story for the hopeless romantics, dancing girls for the boyfriends that are dragged to see it, an aging pop star for the nostalgic and sassy side characters sure to induce a few chuckles.
Too bad this idea did not become a reality. Burlesque lacks a focus and doesn’t seemed geared toward any one audience. The film will have people wondering why they wasted nearly two hours in the cinema because nothing really happens on screen.
Still, there is no denying that Aguilera has a great voice. It might be wiser to wait to hear her talent when the movie comes to basic cable.
RATING: 1 star out of 5
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