I’ve been meaning to have a chat with celebrity hairstylists for a while.
I’ll admit, when I first saw Emma Watson with her lovely Hermione locks chopped off, I screamed “What the f—! What has this world come to?!” But, I warmed up to the pixie cut because she still looked classy and killed it on the red carpet. However, I can’t say the same for other celebrities cutting their hair today.
I can understand stars who want to look like Audrey Hepburn circa 1953 or even Winona Ryder circa 1994. What I cannot understand is cutting off hair that is so beautiful you seem like Samson — the biblical figure who had all his strength in his hair. Who knew you could cut off Anne Hathaway’s locks and she would still be able to act?
Fast forward to 2014 and suddenly getting your hair chopped off isn’t just for the classiest of actresses who look great as a boy and as a girl (looking at you, Natalie Portman). The C-list celebs, such as Pamela Anderson, are joining in to look like those trendy young stars.
This is really for the kids. There are kids looking up to Miley Cyrus (probably not the best role model) and seeing that when transitioning into adulthood, it is perfectly acceptable to shave your hair, dye it blonde and look like Angelica Pickles’ doll, Cynthia.
So, what instigated this rant, you might ask? Well, I was pissed when Jennifer Lawrence chopped off her amazing hair. In an interview for her film Catching Fire, she said her hair was at an “awkward” length, and because she kept putting it up in a messy bun she might as well chop it off. Jen, if your hair is “awkward” and “gross,” then there’s just no hope for the rest of us.
I know, how dare I insult the most perfect hair in Hollywood? But did you see it? It made me miss “the Rachel” from the ’90s that both Ross and I fell in love with. Well, I would hate to be the hairdresser who destroyed “the Rachel” in a routine Brazilian blowout, but I owed it to Jen to give her hair a chance too.
Fast forward to today and this f—— trend is still happening. Malin Akerman’s hair was a beautiful blonde with sick surfer-chick waves. Now, she looks like a cockatoo. Then there is Kaley Cuoco, who just never really has it right on the red carpet. When she stepped out at the Emmys with her boyish cut and dress fit for a prom, I was confused. Maybe she wanted to be prom king and queen of the night? Nope, she really did chop off her beautiful hair, and we are all worse off.
Sure, I’m into the androgynous haircut on Ellen DeGeneres; she looks good with it because she matches her outfits to it. There is something about a ball gown on a curvy celebrity that just doesn’t make sense when she look likes Tinker Bell did her hair.
I ask you, hairstylists, how long will this trend last? Do I no longer have a great haircut because it travels past my shoulders with tons of layers? Will this trend trickle down to us commoners, who only hope to be like the celebrities we see in the glossy pages of People and Us Weekly?
