Senior government and politics major
In my recent excursions on the interwebs during an intense period of procrastination, I stumbled upon another cliche photo caption that barely caught my attention. I nearly scrolled right by, but reading the text gave me a solid 20 more seconds of not working.
The photo itself was a black and white image of Beyoncé fist-bumping Jay-Z as they sat together at a New York Knicks’ game. The caption was about a paragraph long and completely obscured the bottom three-fourths of the picture.
It dealt with relationships. Essentially, the quote asserted that a female partner would gladly surrender her social media passwords, text messages and other private correspondences for her male partner to review on the spot. The final sentence said something to the effect that any good girlfriend who wishes to be totally loyal to her partner would surely do this to prove her continued faithfulness and devotion.
Really? In order to be monogamous and faithful to your partner, you must surrender all personal information and be completely monitored in everything you do? You have got to be kidding me. There is no reason to have to live in some Orwellian partnership in which you are dating Big Brother. Relationships are supposed to be built on mutual trust and respect, not on a concept of possession or ownership. This misconception seems to be perpetuated throughout our generation, and it needs to be corrected. Especially on our campus, we are a group of independent students who “don’t need no man” (or woman or other person) governing our private affairs.
People should not be defined by their relationships; your identity is much deeper than “girlfriend of so-and-so” or “boyfriend of ‘X,’ ‘Y’ and ‘Z’”. You own your body, and you control the message you broadcast to others. No partner of yours has a right to censor you, monitor your behavior or demand anything from you at all. In order for your relationship to be fulfilling and enjoyable, you must achieve a level of mutual trust and respect. And this is absolutely not achieved by cyberstalking, message checking, phone snooping or behaving in any other possessive manner.
While it is natural to encounter some level of insecurity while you build this sense of mutual trust, that does not excuse disruptive or offensive behavior. “My last girlfriend cheated on me,” “Previous abuse gave me trust issues” or “I just don’t want to lose you” are all phrases that may garner sympathy but are not acceptable justifications for being a controlling jerk in a relationship. Discuss these experiences with your partner so he or she gains a better understanding of your world view, but do not use them as a weapon to destroy your partner’s sense of self and individuality. And if after all of this, you still can’t trust your partner enough to ease back on your own National Security Agency-like surveillance missions, you might want to look inward. Take some time off from relationships and learn to trust yourself before you build trust with another person.
While it is important to admire and desire your partner, he or she is not your possession, and you do not own him or her. Conversely, surrendering your individualism is not a means of proving your devotion — it is a one-way ticket to losing yourself and your confidence. No partner is worth that price. So while you should uphold your promises and commitment to a monogamous relationship, even when interacting with your friends, you are also entitled to a high level of personal autonomy in your platonic friendships. So while we all refer to our partners as “my ___,” we must remember they are not possessions. You are the only person who can own you.
Tiffany Burba is a senior government and politics major. She can be reached at tburbadbk@gmail.com.
