Offensive bromance column
After reading Sam Spiegelman’s April 10 column on bromances, I was LOLing. Hard. OMG, women be shopping – that’s totes true. They only care about shoes and bags! When they express their opinion it totally hurts! Women will never understand sports!
Oh, wait. No I wasn’t. Because the column is so offensive and paints women in such a stereotypical way that if it was about any other group, it wouldn’t even be published because it is so outlandishly offensive.
Has Spiegelman ever even met a woman? I feel bad that all he knows about women he learned from watching his beloved “bromances” on The Hills. It’s obvious the neurotic women on Scrubs and demanding female leads on House are there to hold back the amazing male characters – those guys are flawless and just wanna bro out. Those women are always messing things up!
In celebrating your love for your brothers did you have to reduce the female population into such a pigeonhole? Was it necessary to describe a woman (and a supposed “girlfriend,” whom one would think you would give more respect than this) who expresses her thoughts as causing “sharp, mind gutting pain in your ear?”
Even if this article is written in jest, I don’t get the joke. I’m so happy that you have your bros, Sam. Because you will never understand women. And you will always be “bro-lone.”
AJ WOOLF
JUNIOR
JOURNALISM
It’s time to put a stop to moans
One topic that I firmly believe ought to be addressed is that hideous, horrible, human noise we have come to know as a moan. I hate moans – those sometimes barely audible, sometimes deafeningly disgusting vociferations are an insult to the whole dignity of human speech, not to mention human nature. When I hear a moan – which is not very often, thanks to exhaustive moan proofing – my stomach sickens, my knees knock and my head heats with anger at the insult to my ears. It is as vile as an orgy, an orgy of sound waves.
Which brings me to my next topic: sex. I have no problem with sex, except for the fact it is a common source of moans in otherwise moan-free people. In my moan-despising opinion, sex ought to be silent. Unfortunately, few share my opinion, which is why I imposed a moratorium on sex in my apartment. It is a small price to pay in the greater struggle against moans.
So if you too share my hatred of moans, or rather my love of moanlessness, please exhort the moaners around you to moan in private. With your help, we can end moans at this university and create a moan-free environment once and for all.
HARITON WILSON
SOPHOMORE
RUSSIAN
