Dating is one of those topics that almost automatically makes people cringe. It’s awkward, anxiety-inducing and leaves a lot of people unsure about themselves. Pair this with the expectation to look and act perfectly, and you end up with people who are completely reluctant to date at all.
Everyone faces issues concerning image and looks, but women specifically tend to experience them on a different level. There has always been this not-so-subtle expectation for women to look and act a certain way in order to be seen as acceptable. This standard changes throughout time along with different beauty trends, but it hasn’t truly gotten better in recent years despite some progress being made.
Body and self-image positivity movements, as amazing and important as they are, have difficulty standing up against sheer ignorance and immaturity. Women are often overlooked and bashed based on their non-conformity to the various standards of beauty. A very popular trend as of late is to have a “beat” face, meaning a well done and precise full face of makeup. Women — and men — have found new ways and products to achieve stunning looks that were not previously achievable. These new ways to enhance facial features and create art on the face have rapidly developed and evolved in a very short period of time.
This trend has women all over finding new confidence within themselves and delving into their creative sides. So, of course, a select few have to come along and rain on this parade. Because of the extensive dramatic changes in looks that can come with a beat face, a lot of people have been joking about having to take women swimming for the first date in order to show “the real them” and avoid being duped into dating someone unattractive. As I mentioned before, dating is already nerve-wracking, so needing to reveal a person’s flaws only adds to that.
The problem I have with this phrase, and others like it, is rather simple and no-nonsense. First of all, waterproof setting spray exists and is highly effective, so even if you do decide to take someone swimming, that beat is not coming off. Secondly, some men often claim they prefer a woman’s natural face, but cannot seem to understand that no one’s plain face is flawless. If women follow the #nomakeup trend, their potential partner might have an issue with blemishes, acne, hyperpigmentation or other skin problems that they have limited or no control over. These women use makeup as a tool to build confidence, but are then told they wear too much makeup. Women simply cannot win this fight. Lastly, if people can decide whether or not they want to date someone based solely on looks, then they are nowhere near mature enough to be dating anyone at all. Often, dating is a precursor to a relationship, and relationships involve way more than just looking at and admiring another’s outer appearance. Compatibility, personality, tastes, interests and goals are all aspects of relationships that have a much greater importance than how the person looks. At the end of the day, you are not dating a person for their face. You’re dating them for who they are. If you cannot see past a person’s physical appearance in consideration of all of this, then you don’t know what real relationships entail.
In more ways than one, this generation is obsessed with superficiality, as many ideas and concepts are examined only at a surface level. A lot of people are very concerned about how they appear to others and what other people think about them. This directly affects dating choices because some people will end up not giving someone a chance because of the person’s looks, and that is not OK. If the same people who want to take women swimming on the first date really got to know them for who they are, instead of worrying about how they look, they would likely find themselves making real connections.
Interactions with other people are decreasing in value and becoming short-lived. We have gotten to a point where other people have become disposable to us if they don’t meet very shallow standards. This is a very dangerous slippery slope. If we don’t learn to value people for who they are, then we will live in a world where every person in our lives can be temporary. Human beings need real interpersonal connections to survive. We cannot live on ephemeral relationships, and we cannot base our relationships on trivial characteristics. At the end of the day, we all need other people in our lives, and limiting who we allow into our space because of looks will only drown us in that pool that has apparently become a hot spot for first dates.
Hope Hynson is a sophomore psychology major and a member of UMD’s chapter of the NAACP. She can be reached at hopehynson@gmail.com.
