Junior psychology major
I just found out my ex-girlfriend, whom I dated throughout high school, is transferring to this university next year. I’m not sure what to do — I have a new girlfriend, but my feelings for her pale in comparison to my feelings for my ex. My ex and I broke up because we were going to different schools; besides that, the relationship was perfect. What should I do when she gets here?
Transitioning from high school to college can be difficult, and it sounds like you and your ex wanted to enter your new environments without attachments. Your relationship was healthy and positive, but circumstances ended up causing it to fail.
Now that she’s coming back, you are feeling conflicted as to whether you should dump your current girlfriend and get back together with your ex. Ever since you found out your ex was coming back, you’ve been comparing your current relationship to the one you had with her.
It’s hard to make that kind of comparison, because you’ve probably dated both women for different lengths of time. You’re also more mature now, which means you may be more hesitant to fall for someone new. That doesn’t mean the current relationship has less potential than your previous one.
You also want to be cautious. We still have the rest of this semester to go, and you have no idea what may happen with your current girlfriend. You should play it cool and give it some time. Re-evaluate once you finish this year, and make sure you check to see whether your ex wants to get back together with you. Otherwise, you may end up alone.
My best friend broke up with this guy a year ago, and he has been hitting on me ever since. I’m not sure what to do, because I definitely have feelings for him. I’m just scared to act on them, as I know my friend would stop talking to me. Should I just forget about the guy?
Just like the previous reader, you too are in an unfortunate situation of coincidence. In your case, you’re feeling conflicted between your feelings for this guy and your best friend.
Your decision needs to be based on the current relationship your friend has with this guy. How does your friend feel about this guy? Why does she feel that way?
You’re worried that your action — getting with this guy — is going to elicit a negative reaction by your best friend. You need to figure out why this would anger your friend. Put yourself in her shoes, and try to understand why she would be mad if you dated her ex. There are so many factors that could affect how she feels — whether she was dumped, how much they’ve communicated since the breakup, her current feelings for him and so on.
After you consider all of this, if you still want to date her ex, then go ahead. As long as you’re aware of the possible consequences for doing it and can accept all of them, you should do it. Although she’s your best friend, you need to decide whether to sacrifice your happiness for hers. Make sure you know what you’re getting yourself into, though, and triple-check that this guy is worth it.
Noah Robinson is a junior psychology major. He can be reached at noahumd@gmail.com. To submit an anonymous question, go to tinyurl.com/HumpDayDBK.
