Run, Forrest, run.” Yeah, we all know the famous movie quote, but did you ever stop to think about what Forrest was getting out of running, besides escaping from an inevitable ass-whooping? Give up? OK, I’ll tell you: He was getting exercise, a word that has become part of our daily vocabulary ever since obesity went on a country-wide rampage.

I am an avid supporter of exercise, and I feel that everyone should get their daily dose. Many, myself included, enjoy working out at the various gyms around the campus. This is where a major problem lies; there are too many people going to the gym who don’t know what the hell they are doing and usually only have the motivation for a one- or two-week stint. Just go to the gym at the beginning of each semester, and you’ll see what I mean – canned sardines have it better. In the fall semester there is an unholy mix of pre-freshman 15ers to legitimate meatheads; the spring semester turns into a mixed frenzy of freshly-fat freshmen to the usual gym rats.

Now, although I know many only last several weeks, the gym never becomes clear of the phony gym connoisseurs because they come in rotations. This campus is so damn large that the gym is always full of newbies who just get in the way of people who legitimately want to work out. Randomly a group will wake up and swear that today will be the day they get ripped. Then after a week of unforeseen bodily soreness, they will denounce the gym and never come back, not understanding how such a beneficial place could cause such pain. This process repeats with another group and the cycle continues.

They are very easy to spot, too. They usually flock to the bench press like a pack of hippies to a hookah. I assume they saw Ahnold’s chest and decided it’s plausible for them to achieve similar results. OK sure, they are at the bench, but how can I tell they are new? Well, there are generally two good indications you are witnessing a weight-lifting wannabe. First, the weight they are trying to lift is obviously too heavy for them and before bruising their sternum, their partner yanks the bar back and racks it. Second, they tend to laugh in the middle of their lift, especially when they are struggling. This one is beyond me, so I’ll move on.

Don’t be quick to stereotype me as a Hans or Franz; I’m not here to “Pump you up.” I am not huge, nor do I consume any substances to increase my guns and decrease my baby makers. I am just a normal person who actually enjoys exercising at the gym, and I have stuck with it much of my life. I just hate it when my routine is stunted by some clown giggling his way through the gym.

Remember I am an exercise advocate. Some people just need to understand there are virtually infinite ways to exercise. The gym is not a necessary feature for a healthy human. For example, go run around outside. No it doesn’t have to be a formal two-mile run; it can be as simple as playing football or soccer. And for those with absolutely no athletic ability, maybe go play some good old-fashioned tag, and if you feel that you’re up to the challenge, start playing Freeze Tag, T.V. Tag or Flashlight Tag. OK, so you are allergic to the outdoors. Well, there are plenty of indoor exercises besides weight lifting: treadmills, yoga, dance, karate. And at least these are structured to accomodate a certain number of people, so don’t worry, you won’t get in anyone’s way.

As for the rest of you who refuse to be creative and decide that you must go to the gym and continue this gym rotation, think hard before you go, and eventually decide that it’s probably not worth it. Read and react to this quote by Robert Hutchins: “Whenever I get the urge to exercise, I lie down until the urge passes.”

Eric Yeroshefsky is a senior agricultural economics and economics major. He can be reached at enyero@umd.edu.